“I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
It’s a phrase many women find themselves saying during menopause.
Menopause is often talked about in terms of physical symptoms such as hot flushes, night sweats and changes to periods. But menopause can affect much more than our bodies. It can influence our mental health, emotions, confidence, relationships, identity and sense of self.
For some women, it can feel as though everything is changing at once.
You may feel more anxious, overwhelmed, tearful or irritable. Perhaps your confidence has taken a knock, you’re struggling with your emotions or you simply don’t recognise yourself anymore.
You may be asking:
Who am I now?
What do I want from this next chapter of my life?
Where have I gone?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
How can menopause affect your mental health?
The menopause transition can be a challenging time emotionally as well as physically.
Changes in hormones can coincide with changes in sleep, energy, mood and emotional wellbeing. At the same time, menopause often arrives during a period of significant life change.
You may notice:
- Increased anxiety or feelings of overwhelm
- Low mood or tearfulness
- Irritability or feeling emotionally reactive
- A loss of confidence or self-esteem
- Difficulty concentrating or feeling mentally foggy
- Feeling disconnected from yourself
- Changes in body image
- Feeling less able to cope with everyday demands
- Changes in relationships
- A sense of uncertainty about the future
Everyone experiences menopause differently, and there is no single way you should feel.
Sometimes, simply having your experiences acknowledged can be an important first step.
Menopause doesn’t happen in isolation
One of the reasons menopause can feel particularly difficult is that it often happens alongside other significant changes in life.
Perhaps your children have grown up and you’re adjusting to a different role within your family.
Maybe your relationship has changed, or you’re questioning what you want from your relationships now.
Your career may no longer feel fulfilling. You may be thinking about what you want from the next stage of your working life.
Perhaps your body has changed in ways that feel unfamiliar, leaving you struggling with your confidence or identity.
And after years of putting other people first, you may suddenly have more time to think about yourself — only to realise that you’re not quite sure what you want anymore.
It can feel like a lot to process.
When you don’t feel like yourself
There can be a particular kind of grief associated with this stage of life.
You may miss the woman you used to be.
You may miss having more energy.
You may miss feeling confident in your body.
You may miss feeling certain about who you are and where your life is going.
And because menopause is a natural stage of life, there can sometimes be an expectation that you should simply accept it and carry on.
But something being natural doesn’t mean it is always easy.
Your feelings are valid.
You don’t have to minimise what you’re experiencing simply because other women experience menopause too.
And you don’t have to navigate the emotional side of menopause alone.
What if you don’t need to find your old self?
Perhaps the question isn’t:
“How can I get back to the person I was?”
Perhaps it’s:
“Who am I becoming?”
Menopause can be an opportunity to stop, reflect and consider what you genuinely want from your life now.
Your priorities may have changed.
Your relationships may need to change.
Your boundaries may need to become stronger.
Things you once accepted may no longer feel right.
And dreams or ambitions that were put aside while you cared for others may begin to resurface.
This doesn’t mean that something has gone wrong.
It may simply mean that you’re changing too.
Finding yourself during menopause
For many women, this stage of life can become an opportunity for self-discovery.
You may begin asking yourself:
What do I need now?
What makes me happy?
What do I want my life to look like?
Which relationships feel supportive?
Where do I need better boundaries?
What have I put aside for other people?
What matters to me now?
These questions don’t always have straightforward answers.
And you don’t need to figure everything out at once.
Sometimes, you simply need a safe space to begin exploring them.
How can counselling help during menopause?
At Dragonfly Counselling, I have a passion for helping women navigate the emotional challenges that can come with menopause and other significant life transitions.
Counselling can offer you dedicated time and space away from the demands of everyday life.
A space where you don’t have to be the strong one.
A space where you don’t have to put everyone else first.
A space where you can talk honestly about how you’re feeling without worrying about being judged.
Together, we can explore whatever feels important to you — whether that’s anxiety, confidence, relationships, identity, boundaries, self-esteem, life changes or uncertainty about the future.
Counselling isn’t about telling you what you should do.
It’s about helping you understand yourself, your feelings and your needs, so that you can make choices that feel right for you.
You are still you 💜
If you’re struggling with your mental health during menopause, it can be easy to feel as though you’ve somehow lost yourself.
But perhaps you haven’t lost yourself at all.
Perhaps you’re discovering a different version of yourself.
One who knows herself more deeply.
One who understands her needs.
One who is learning to set boundaries.
One who knows that looking after herself isn’t selfish.
One who is beginning to think about what she wants from the years ahead.
There can be something incredibly powerful about giving yourself permission to pause and ask:
“What do I need now?”
Menopause may mark the end of one chapter, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your story.
It can be the beginning of a new chapter — one where you reconnect with yourself, understand what matters to you and begin creating a life that feels more authentically yours.
You don’t have to go through it alone
If menopause has left you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, disconnected or simply unlike yourself, counselling can give you the space to talk, reflect and understand what you’re experiencing.
You don’t need to wait until things feel unbearable before reaching out.
If you’re ready to explore what’s happening for you, I’d love to hear from you.
Get in touch with Dragonfly Counselling to arrange an initial conversation and find out how counselling could support you through this next chapter.
You are still you.
And you deserve the time and space to find yourself again. 🌿
Dragonfly Counselling — helping women find themselves, whatever life brings.
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